Young and Employed

Reading Penelope Trunk’s Blog with my morning coffee, I had to chuckle at her answer for the everyday more common question of: “How can I change careers without taking a pay cut?”, her answer will follow me for the rest of my life, and I want to share it with you:

“A: You cannot change careers without taking a pay cut. It is childish to ask this question. So stop asking it.”

As my co-writer and friend Jess presented in her last blog: “What if I want to change careers?”, everyday more and more people look at other’s success and think: “crap, I’m in the wrong business!”  Well, guess what kiddo, you are, and so am I, and so is the Lawyer making 200K a year.  I believe that its natural human behavior to feel unsatisfied for working for others.  It may be because the challenge fades away, or because you think you could do better, or maybe  you don’t get paid what you KNOW you deserve; for whatever the reason, we need to move on.  But, expecting to re-start your career and not re-start your paycheck, sounds quite childish.

Think back to the time where you got out of college or high school, and count how many years it took you to make what you make now, or how many different jobs did you have to move through, how many bosses you needed to get to  know and so on and so forth; now, keep that memory and crush it.  You will have to do exactly the same thing all over again.

Back in the day of my youth, I went to Music School, and became a professional musician (no, it’s not an oxymoron), and once my childish dreams of stardom were fulfilled, I found myself with an over inflated ego and a really skinny wallet, so I decided to go back to school and get a masters.  Stupid me thought that thanks to my masters I was going to start making the big bucks; I was wrong. But after a lot of work, a lot of experience and jumping around through different aspects in my career, I keep on increasing how much I feed my wallet.

My brother, after reaching his potential at corporate America decided to go on his own and start his own company… guess how much he was making?  NOTHING.  He is extremely successful now, but he had to start from the beginning and work his ass off to get there; so could you.

The ugly truth is that if you got laid off or are about to, Those Jobs Will Never Come Back – New Ones Will, and you may have to change careers and start again, but there is nothing bad with that.  If you are afraid of making a change in your life, because you may need to make some adjustments in your life, you are a fool. And since I don’t want to be telling my audience how much of a fool they are, I will leave you with a quote from Penelope Trunk:

“You are saying that it’s more important to buy all the stuff you’re buying than it is to be engaged in your most rewarding work. In most cases, really, you get more bang for your buck by switching to a career you like than staying in something else for 20 years just to live what is your fantasy of adult life. Because really, adult life is not about getting all the things that make you look stable and successful. Adult life is about constantly making difficult decisions about what you are going to give up.”

A recent post yielded a comment asking about career changes with some specific questions on this topic. I responded that I would write a post about this topic but other issues came up that spurred posts on different aspects of careers. Then, on Friday I received an email about a friend who was thinking of changing careers and wanted some advice. With so many people unemployed or underemployed (now I sound like a RETS commercial) this is the perfect time to discuss how to go about changing careers and what this means for your career (re: earning) potential.

First of all, before you decide to change careers you have to ask yourself a question. Do I need a new career or a new industry? My desire to be a nurse made me realize I didn’t need a career change, I just needed to do PR for a company or in an industry I really believe in. Secondly, you have to ask yourself why you want to change careers. Is it to do something you really love, because your job won’t exist in 5 years, or is it because you just broke up with your girlfriend of 4 years and you think you need to change something big to be happy again? Then ask yourself what it is you really want to do. I can’t answer those questions for you, only you can.

Let’s start with transferable skills. When I began my first semester as a college freshman one message was consistent throughout each of my communications classes: “communications is the most important skill you can learn.” At the time I thought my professors were merely exaggerating the benefits of their class but now that I’ve been part of the workforce for some time now I know they are right. It doesn’t matter if your job is marketing or astrophysics and it doesn’t matter how good you are at what you do, if you don’t have oral and written communications skills you can only go so far in your career. Every single job I have ever applied to, thought of applying to or sent to a friend to apply to lists “communication” among the necessary skills. If you hone your communications skills you will be able to stand out as an employee in any field.

As for other transferable skills, let me say this – unless you are looking to get into the medical profession there are very few jobs out there that really require a specific major. Could an English, History, Culinary Arts major do my job – you bet. I might have a slight advantage as my resume says “Corporate Communications” but the important thing is to highlight the skills and experiences in your past jobs that will help you in the job you are applying for. What’s the easiest way to do this? Look at the job description, they tell you exactly what you need to be successful at this job!

Now say I wanted to get into human resources. I would just tweak this opening paragraph to say something like: Corporate Communications professional looking to transfer experience and skills acquired during internal communications, public relations, marketing and community relations positions to contribute to a corporate human resources department….”

Now I just wrote that in about two seconds, imagine if you really thought about what it is you want and then wrote it out like this? That would catch any employers’ attention.

One question I was asked in both the email I received and the comment on the earlier post was about changes in pay that come with changes in careers. I think this is a very common question. Ultimately, it depends on how you are switching careers. Some journalists switch to PR to make more money! But for the most part, if you are completely starting over or if you were in a high paying field (ex: sales, engineering) and you are looking for a lower pressure more rewarding position you are probably going to take a pay cut. That is part of the trade off, very few people find a job that never requires working more than 40 hours a week, has a remarkably flexible work environment, is extremely fulfilling personally and pays enough for you to take vacations to France every year. There is a reason it pays more to be a doctor or a VP of a department, more responsibility and more work.

I hope some of this insight helps. This is a very broad topic so if anyone has any thoughts or other areas of career changes you would like me to address let me know.

I would like to end with one final note. The comment I received asked if the reader should “suck it up with the job they have because at least they have a job.” I can tell you with complete confidence the answer to this question is: NO! We spend too much time at work and with the people we work with to dislike what we do, where we are or who we are working with. If your job doesn’t make you happy find another one that will. (Just remember not to tie your overall happiness to your job!) Plus, if you like what you do and are happy you will do a better job and that will almost always lead to more money!

I’ve never been in the military, but if there is one thing I admire of it, is the chain of command.   There is a C.O. (commander officer) for everyone, and even in the lower ranks there are Sergeants to run the smaller tasks; that’s how business should be run.  I will give my life for my C.O. (metaphorically speaking), but I need to know that he would go to court martial for me.

In a business society where promotions are given like cake at a birthday party, it’s important to keep the eye in the true meaning of your title (rank), and where is that invisible line that you should never cross, or let anyone else cross.

More often than not you will run into people “demanding”, or using phrases as “I’m getting irritated at you”, “I’m disappointed”, “I need you to do this”, etc.  Truth is Mr. You-are-not-my-boss, that if you need something from me, it’s my prerogative to pay attention to it or not.  Unless it’s an order (and these have to come from my superiors), anything I do for you is just a favor.

Please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying; you should always be nice and willing to help others for the benefit of the well being of the company, but don’t let yourself being told around by people with no authority over you; no one likes a push-over.   It’s your right to draw the line when crossed and say so.  With lines like “Sure, Mr. YANMB, I’ll try to get to it soon, if I find some room in my bottomless to-do list.”, or “Sorry Mr. YANMB, but my BOSS has me working in some other projects, that need my full attention right now.  If you really need this done, you should talk to him about it.”, you can re-direct this tasks and let your boss filter them for you.

Sure, not every boss comes with balls included; that is something you can’t control, but there is some certain power we all have to teach and train our bosses into reaching their potential as managers.  Let them know you need their support in order to work in the things that are important for him, and more often than not, people like to be heroes, they like to prove worthy of their management position, and will help you take care of these situations.

We are all over-worked and under-paid to our own standards, but some of this extra work comes from others trying to dump theirs on your desk; don’t let them, it’s part of being a good professional to prioritize your work, and I prioritize in this order:

1. Things that will help you keep your job: Your boss’s orders and his/her boss. (everything that will make you shine)

2. Things that will make your department grow and succeed.

3. Tasks that will help your company grow and succeed.

4. Things that will get you invited to go out for a beer after work, and picked at the volleyball tournament in the Summer. (work on your athletic skills)

That is my order, and I try not to lose track of it; the best way to do this is by drawing the line, and telling everyone about it.

Where do you draw yours?

You have to make a 5-year plan.  We have all heard this advice; either form your parents, your school counselor, or your older sibling; we’ve all heard it before, and there is a reason for it.  Not knowing where you want to be in LIFE helps you to NOT GET ANYWHERE; and this is also true in your professional life.

You probably went to school, picked a career and found your first job (or you wouldn’t be reading Young And Employed), that was your 5-year plan back in the day (maybe 5 years ago), but do you know what’s in our plan TODAY?

I want to SUGGEST 5 categories for this 5-year plan (just to keep it simple); these categories (in no specific order) are:

1. Salary

2. Title

3. Responsibility

4. Power

5. Personal Time

The first thing to do with this list would be to arrange it in order of priorities.  Some are more into money, and others into power, for example.  Arrange it however you feel like, and then expand.

1. SALARY – There is a big difference in price and worth, you may be willing to pay $100 for a haircut, though you could find one price in $10; same thing applies to salaries.  What you are WORTH and what you MAKE are not always in the same line.  I won’t expand too much on this, but bottom-line you should know how much do you WANT to make, and that will give you some ideas of what do you need to get there.  Please take into consideration that some industries pay better than others, if you are in Marketing (like I am), don’t expect to make $200,000 a year like your friends the MD’s; you can make it happen, but it’s not the norm.

2. TITLE – Some companies give these out instead of a salary raise, and sometimes they come WITH a raise; either way, their importance is a variable controlled by you.  For me titles are useless, you can make $70K as an event planner, and $65 as a Marketing Manager or Director, its just a name that USUALLY tries to define your duties and responsibilities.  If you care more about your title than your salary (nothing wrong with that), you should write it down, you should not let yourself feel discouraged for what you make if you are going for Title (or maybe you should re-arrange the list).

3. RESPONSIBILITIES – What type of supervisor do you want to be, or if you want to supervise at all.  Some of us enjoy the responsibility that comes with guiding others; some don’t.  For those of us that enjoy this, it is important to set a goal of an approximate number of people we would like to supervise, the positions they would fulfill, and the kind of people you would like; but most importantly you should prepare yourself to be able to GIVE something back to those under you.

4. POWER – There is nothing wrong with power, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.  You may be a natural born leader, with nerves of steel that wants to make important decisions for your employer, or be your own boss.  I know of people who went into their own business, and part of their incentive was to have total control (power) over the decisions of the company.  That’s all fine and dandy, but you need to be honest with yourself and figure out if you are indeed capable of making these decisions, if you are not, you have found something to work on.

5. PERSONAL TIME – Last but not least you need to think of your personal time.  Life comes at you fast, and your professional life should be aligned with your personal goals in life.  If in that other 5 year plan, you have decided you want to be a parent, you should take this into account when you are planning the professional side of you.  Many people don’t put this one as a priority, and that is perfectly fine as long as you enjoy your career in a personal level and manage to have the freedom you need; but for those of us that don’t think this way, it’s extremely important to count our personal life into our professional plan, or all other criteria of this list would fall apart.

There you have it, some unsolicited advice of how to plan your professional life.  Plans are supposed to and will change in time, they evolve, but your goals usually stay similar if not the same.

I hope this helps some of you to figure out the next step in your careers.

- Frank

Over the weekend I was talking to a good friend of mine about subtle sexual harassment in the workplace. Like most men I talk to, he did not feel it is as prevalent as I do. Perhaps I am oversensitive to the issue, but as a woman I know that I am treated differently because of my gender – I see it all the time. Women with children are treated differently than men with children. They are “mommy tracked”. The question isn’t “does it happen?” the question is what to do about it.

The baby boomer generation tends to be more confrontational about issues such as sexual harassment and equality in the workplace. When an employer discriminated against them they made sure management knew about it and if that didn’t work they would sue for equal pay, sexual harassment or other infractions. My generation is a little different. We do not expect to spend our entire career, or even the majority of our career at one organization. In fact Millennials feel no guilt about switching jobs. We watched as our parents dedicated themselves to their employer only to be laid off at a moment’s notice to save the company a few thousand dollars. So, if we feel an employer isn’t treating us well, for whatever reason be it our gender or our age, we leave.

There is something to be said for sticking it out and trying to bring about change from within, but in my experience this is a very slow process. What I propose is for Millenials and really all career women, to follow the examples of the Civil Rights Movement *. Instead of trying to convince your current employer that their family leave policies are discriminatory or are detrimental to women’s careers, or try to lobby for flexible work hours without  damaging your career at a company with a rigid time policy – leave.

Here is the concept – if intelligent, accomplished and talented women choose to only work for companies that are supportive of women in the workplace then, not only will these companies continue to thrive (because they are attracting the most talented and career minded women); it will send a message to those companies that do not consider work place equality or policies helpful to women a priority. Just like the boycotts of the Civil Rights Movement sent the message that if you don’t treat African-Americans like everyone else, then we won’t buy your services, eat your food, or purchase your goods, this tactic will show organizations that if they do not treat women well, pay them fair wages, and stop telling women with children that a you can’t have a serious career and children, then we won’t work here. Why will this bother these companies? Because all organizations, no matter what their business is, want to make money. And how do businesses make money? They hire the best employees they can find so that their business runs more efficiently and there is more innovation. If all the most talented and intelligent women chose to work for companies who value women as employees, then other companies will be forced to do the same. So, look at Working Mothers Magazine’s list of Best Companies 2009 for working mothers, and as your career blossoms and you become an in-demand employee, make it a point to work for one of these companies. And when you get there, take advantage of the policies they have – but also continue to work hard, continue to shine, and your career will too!

*Before I receive any comments about comparing women’s struggles in the workforce to the struggles African-Americans faced in this country let me say, I am not suggesting that women today are suffering as much as African Americans did before or during the Civil Rights Movement .  I’m only suggesting that we use some of the same tactics they did to get their point across and affect change.

We have all learned the old saying of “Make Buying Easy”; yet, that is something that most sales people and companies overlook.

As my first review for this blog, I want to mention a local small company from Woburn, MA; Printex.  They have been providing my department with every single need for the last year or so.  Posters, notebooks, cd’s, marketing gifts, branded apparel and all those nice little trinkets that help me live without ever visiting the office supply store.  But that is not what I want to review.

After the person in our department in charge of these kind of activities left the company, the few of us left behind have been struggling to keep up with all the details left unfinished, and trying to figure out who is the right contact for each task; that’s where a company that knows how to sell (or skin the cat) comes into play.

Printex took things in their own hands, went far beyond what we were paying for, and delivered not only a quality product in a short amount of time, but with a minimal effort from us (the headless chickens)

That’s why I grant them with 5 out of 5 stars in the new Review Section of this Blog.

Printex ( 5 out of  5)

Quality: 5
Delivering: 5
Easy of Business: 5
Customer Service: 5

It’s no secret that social networking has become an integral part of our society in the past few years. After all, you know you’re not really friends with someone until they’ve accepted your friend request on Facebook or the now less popular MySpace. And if you want to connect with co-workers and clients, it’s a given that you need to have a Linked-In page that you update semi- regularly. Social networking sites have become our own personal calling cards, and it’s often that someone will look at your page and make a snap judgment of the kind of person you are based on your pictures, status updates, tweets, etc. Come on, you know you do it, too. We’ve all been sent a link by our friend who just met a guy and was doing some ‘light Facebook stalking’ just to scope out what his friends look like, what’s he into, and check out his 200 tagged photos. And hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s the world we live in, and I for one, have no issues with using the internet as a means to meet or reconnect with someone.

But it doesn’t end there. My mom has a Facebook, my shrink has a Facebook , my boss has a Facebook, and my boss’s boss has a Facebook. At any given moment, any of these people can log in and see what I’m thinking, what I did over the weekend, or who I’m dating. And therein lies the dilemma in relation to one’s career. What you post on these sites can and will produce a negative effect on your professional profile.

According to a recent careerbuilder.com survey, 45% of employers are now using social networking sites to screen potential employees In an economy where millions of people have lost their jobs, those who are looking should keep this is mind when they decide to post about how it’s 4pm and they’re just rolling out of bed with a massive hangover on a Tuesday. And those who survived the chopping block at work should also heed the same warning. You may not be linked to your boss directly on a site like Facebook, but chances are you are linked to one of your co-workers, and that can be just as dangerous. Keep in mind that it’s not just your buddies who will see your status wishing that your boss gets hit by the green line.

And maybe I’m noticing it more because I’m stuck inside at my desk in the middle of a beautiful summer’s day, but the last thing I want to see from people I know who don’t have jobs is how they’re enjoying a beautiful day lounging at the beach. I have many friends and colleagues whose professional performances did not warrant their layoffs, but unfortunately lost their jobs anyway. I’m not advocating that you sit locked up in your house all day in your pajamas with your laptop sending resume after resume without rest, but keep in mind that letting the rest of the world know that you’re not out there pounding the proverbial pavement tirelessly doesn’t make you look any more desirable to an employer or to someone in your professional network. Being laid off is awful, especially for those who have families to support. It’s also tough for those who are left at their jobs having to do triple the amount of work for less money. So let’s not shout to the world wide web how much you’re enjoying your ‘vacation’ from the work force (and yes, I saw someone who was laid off refer to their unemployment as a vacation) while the rest of us are struggling to either hold on to our jobs, or replace the ones we’ve lost.

If you’re looking for a job, or have a job you’d like to keep- check out the statistics below courtesy of Yahoo finance on why candidates did not get hired at prospective jobs. And remember, if you need to blow off a little steam about your job, it’s better to whip out the old diary then to let the world know how you’re feeling.

• Candidate posted provocative or inappropriate photographs or information – 53 percent
• Candidate bad-mouthed their previous employer, co-workers or clients – 35 percent
• Candidate showed poor communication skills – 29 percent
• Candidate made discriminatory comments – 26 percent
• Candidate lied about qualifications – 24 percent
• Candidate shared confidential information from previous employer – 20 percent

- S. Grace

“I need more money.  Should I go to grad school?”  That’s a question that I face quite often.  Maybe because I went for a master’s degree and make a decent living, people seem to think I have the answer to this dilemma; but I don’t.

I went to grad school, and about 90% of my friends went through it as well, but under the inevitable idea of going back for a PHD so I can teach at college level, I start wondering if having a post graduate degree really makes any kind of difference in your professional life.

I look at the most successful man I know, and though he started grad school, life gave him a series of opportunities that he wisely took and left his post graduate education as a future goal.  These days he makes roughly 5 times my salary, has traveled all around the world doing one of the things he does best, runs a successful company, and in short, has the best professional life I’ve ever seen.

There is NO doubt that holding a post graduate degree gives you some kind of confidence, makes you look responsible, if nothing else, and usually (not always) gives you some kind of advantage over the ones who don’t; but yet I can’t answer the question based on success.

Since success it’s not easily measurable, I will go for knowledge.  I went through Grad School and I can honestly say that even though I learned A LOT about how things SHOULD be, I learned nothing about how things really are.  And this seems to be the norm around the people I’ve shared professional experiences with.  Text books are NO substitute for good old fashion experience.

So by this point I may seem that I’m rambling more than making a point (stop shaking your head in sign of approval), but I do have a point, and that is that we are all a special case, but there is some order of things to follow, that no Masters or PhD will fill for you, and here my list of recommendations by rewards:

SALARY – If you want to grow financially, don’t expect to become a lifer in any company, the average salary increase it’s a miserable 2% (inflation is more than that these days).  If you want more money, move to a company that is willing to hire you for more (the amount you really deserve, maybe?).  I know it’s tough to get out of your comfort zone, but if you are 30 years old and are still on your first job, chances are you are not making what you deserve.  Hell, if you are 25 and has only been in one company chances are it’s about time you move.

EXPERIENCE – Useful experience comes out of facing different challenges among the years.  My 1st job out of college, taught me to supervise employees under me, the second to make Marketing campaigns with limited budget (none), the fourth taught me that I didn’t know everything I needed to know, but that the answer is always around and how to look for it, the fifth taught me to deal with a big budget, and so on and so forth.  My point is that you need DIFFERENT experiences to make yourself a well balanced professional.  Stay in only one place or spend all your life in college and your resume will say: “Useful for One, and only ONE thing.”  Believe me, no one wants that.

RESPECT – Another one of those attributes that are extremely hard to measure; so I will tell you how to gain MY respect.  If I see you have a post graduate degree you will give me something to talk about, no question about it, but it will also make me worried of how much time you have spent “really working”; but respect can NEVER be earned by a piece of paper.  You will gain my respect by working back to back with me in whatever I need from you in the professional world.  Jess (co-writer of this blog) gained my respect from day one, mostly because I saw that she was going to be beneficial for my goals at work.  She became a friend for other reasons but the respect she earned was not in her resume but in her first day at work, when I realized I had a well rounded professional working with me.

PROFESSIONAL GROWTH – A degree is without doubt one way to grow, but your professional life is full of more than knowledge, it’s about the people you know, what they think of you and what you think of them.  Your skills, your experience and your wisdom.

I’m not trying to give you a recommendation here, but to make you get to a conclusion of your own. Should you go to grad school? YES, by all means, if you have the money and the time, please learn more, meet more people with your same interests, broaden your horizons; but don’t do it for the wrong reasons, or expecting your professional life to be more than it is just because you spent a year or two going to class.

My only recommendation is to look at what have you been doing professionally, and see where it could be improved (maybe take some of the things above into consideration).  The only thing I will try to make a point of is that IN MY OPINION, you should NEVER quit working to go to Grad School.  Those years of experience will benefit your professional life way more than your diploma will.

-Frank.

Have you ever heard of a fat day, or a bad hair day?  Women have these days when either they feel bloated or their hair won’t do what they want it to. These days can be really frustrating and for some women they can ruin the entire day. My big problem is low confidence days. These are days where I feel like I am not good at my job and that any moment the entire world will figure it out. I know I am not alone in these types of days because I’ve spoken with other women (all intelligent, successful and really good at their jobs) who feel the same way time to time.

If I have several low confidence days in a row I start thinking I picked the wrong career and that I should do something radically different. At one point I thought I should go back to school to be a nurse! Nursing is a great career, and after having to interact with nurses several times over the past year I honestly believe they have one of the hardest jobs in the world.  BUT – I don’t like hurting people? I could never take blood, or hook someone up to an IV.  So what am I thinking, changing careers to become a nurse? I’ll tell you what I am thinking, I am thinking that I am going to fail and that instead of failing I need to run away. I believe it is ok to have this reaction every so often, as long as you don’t give into the urge. I love PR and I think I’m pretty good at it (and I think my current and pass bosses would agree). There are some people who hate their careers so switching isn’t really running away, but if I was to change careers because I didn’t think I was good enough, that is exactly what I would be doing.

What causes low confidence days?

I’m not a psychologist, but I love to pretend I am so here is my best analysis of why low confidence days happen to smart, successful women.  One reason is fear of success; or rather fear that life can’t really be all good. Things are going well, your excelling at your job, when all of a sudden you start thinking “wait, things can’t possibly be this good”.  You are afraid it will all fall apart so you start assuming that you can’t possibly doing as well as you thought you were. Then you start doubting yourself.

That brings us to the second reason – doubt. Women are constantly questioning themselves. Am I a good enough mother? Am I too fat? The list goes on and on. And women’s magazines don’t help. They talk about how to be a better mother and this makes you think you are doing something wrong. You start doubting your abilities and then all of a sudden you think, at any moment I am going to get fired.

The third reason I can think of is the one that applies most to me. It can’t be a coincidence that the most intelligent, driven women I know are the ones afflicted with this self doubt. These women set very high standards for themselves. Often times they expect more from themselves than their employers do, and sometimes these standards aren’t possible to meet.  Then the worst thing in the world happens – something goes wrong, you make a mistake. Suddenly you feel inadequate, like you don’t deserve your job or that you are not good at it. You start dwelling and your inner demon starts in on you “I told you this job was too hard for you. They are going to find out you can’t do this.” Your mind forgets all your past successes and all you can focus on is the failure.

This is what causes my low confidence days. Sometimes, I don’t even need to make a mistake. I just start reflecting on my own performance and then I start thinking about how I could be doing better. I start wondering if others are thinking the same thing about me and POOF! There goes my confidence.

How to combat your inner demon

So how do you combat this inner demon? I can’t tell you how to make her go away for good (mine sounds like my voice with helium) but I can tell you how to quiet her down once she gets going. If the feeling of inadequacy is spurred from a mistake you made the answer is simple. Fix the mistake and move on.  Not that simple, I know, but here is what you do. Make a quick list of all the “wins’ you’ve had in the past week or two. Once you see all you are doing right you’ll feel much better. Plus, this keeps you from dwelling on the mistake. When men make a mistake they admit it and forget it. We can do the same.

If the inner demon pops up because you all you can think of are things you could be doing better, use this to your advantage. Create a plan for how you can improve. Include action items like programs or things you need to learn and then search for seminars and online training tools. Brainstorm ideas on how you could improve the bottom line (depending on what your job is that could mean very different things). This might some time consuming, but it is much more productive than sitting and worrying, or searching for nursing programs you are never going to apply to. Some of my best, most innovative PR ideas have come from these types of anti-worry sessions.

The bottom line is, most of us are harder on ourselves than other people are. Remember, your boss isn’t there to do you any favors. If you weren’t performing up to his or her expectations, they would tell you. 

Oh and one more thing – it always helps to air out your low confidence days with a good friend. It lets you know you aren’t the only one who has these feelings. I think that is one thing that has really helped me – realizing I’m not the only one who does this to myself helps me realize that I’m being too hard on myself. (Thank you Amy!)

Helpful saying (is it arrogant to quote your own saying?)  - I have never failed because failure happens when you make a mistake and give up. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, or had programs that didn’t work as planned, but as long as I learn from it and keep trying I will never truly fail.

Whenever I see a headline like this one “Top 10 Ways to Use Your Female Advantage in Business” I roll my eyes. They way I see it, if you want to be taken serious as a women in business stop emphasizing you are a woman and start acting like a person in business. I don’t want to be treated any differently than my male co-workers so why should I “use my female advantage” in business and what exactly does this mean anyway? Should I be dressing sexier so that my male bosses like me more? Should I cry to get my way? This isn’t exactly what this article promotes, but it seems close.

Articles like these are full of stereotypes – here is an example direct from the article:

“Be likeable Women’s gifts for relationships, compassion, connection and empathy make them the more likeable gender. And let’s face it, the workplace is a personality contest too, so likeability is a key factor in success.”

What? How insulting is that to all those likable men out there. And let’s be honest, I’ve worked with some very successful women who were great at what they did but weren’t at all likeable as a person. In fact in some cases they were actually mean! So how can anyone take an article seriously that says be likeable. I’ve stated in past posts that I don’t think you need to be rude to get ahead or to be successful, but the statement that women should be “likable” reeks of an era when women were told not to rock the boat. “don’t say anything if someone treats your poorly, you want to be likeable not thought of as a trouble maker.” It was Laurel Thatcher Ulrich: who said “Well behaved women rarely make history” and I 100% agree with this. Again you don’t need to be a jerk to get ahead, but attempting to be more likeable will get your friends, not necessarily career advancement.

How about this gem?:

Create an appealing package
Studies show that attractive people not only make more money, they are viewed as smarter, more productive, and even kinder than others. Women have an advantage because we have more “visual packaging tools.”
How to package yourself: Don’t mimic the male model — that’s so 20^th century. Use the French women’s model: Dress like a woman and accentuate your best features. If you don’t have the body of a fashion model, do something wonderful with your hair and clothing. Develop a distinctive look with a signature color, accessories and so on. Work on your posture and how you move.

Ok I did write a post that described how to present yourself, but I never told anyone to “accentuate your best features”. What I was saying was, dress like a professional not like you are going out to a club. In dressing like a professional you will look “nice” so in a way I agree that you need to create an appealing package – just not in the way this article suggests. What this article suggests is that if you have large breasts you should be wearing low cut shirts, or if you have nice legs, where skirts. How about we all dress professionally and we are judged off of our merits? I’m sure all us smart, not so attractive girls (and guys) will appreciate it. Again, I’m not saying you can be a slob, I’m saying dress like you have respect for yourself as a professional, not as a model.

I suppose the issue I have with these types of articles is that they often try to say that women all act a certain way and we should act more feminine to get ahead. Perhaps they mean we should use our talents to get ahead, but as a feminist I look at these suggestions as a way of implying that women need to act “lady-like” and differently than men. Maybe I am naive, but I feel the only way for women to be treated as equals in the work place is to act like equals – and act like the smart, confident, capable women we are. This might mean that for a while women suffer because they aren’t “lady-like” enough, but eventually, with some sacrifice women will get where they need to be. Just remember, many women who wanted careers in the 50s. 60s, 70s and even 80s suffered sexist indignities so that as time went on women would be more accepted in the work place. These women didn’t back down, or purposely act differently to get ahead. They knew it would take time to change attitudes and they did so by suffering sexist remarks and put downs, and even unfair treatment so that we could move forward. Maybe the next generation (or current generation) of women professionals should take on a little ‘suffering’ by not conforming to these stereotypes so that future women don’t have to.

I could go on and on about these ‘tips’ but I would rather hear what other people have to say. Am I being too sensitive about this issue – (I tend to take feminist issue very seriously)? Do any of the other suggestions grate on you, or do you think this is the type of article we should be sending to young women in business to help them get ahead?