What is success or OCD at work
2009 is almost over and just about every blogger, online journalist and publications is publishing an article or post about the past year. I tend to be a reflective person anyway so I spend a lot of time thinking about what I’ve done wrong, how I could have done something differently or better etc. I think it has to do with my OCD.
I was never officially diagnosed with OCD, and whether or not I truly suffer from OCD is up for debate. I don’t wash my hands over and over again. I don’t lock the door three times before I am satisfied. However, anyone who knows me will tell you I have obsessive compulsive tendencies. I like things just so. I check my bag over and over again to make sure I didn’t forget something when I leave work. I’ll check my bank account balance four times a week in case someone hacked into my account and stole all my money. I compulsively make lists. My “to do” lists feature sub-categories and highlighted tasks. That isn’t the crazy part, the crazy part is my need to re-write my lists whenever I’ve accomplished three or four of the tasks or when I’ve added a few new tasks to the list and it is so out of order I can’t keep track of what I should do first.
Although I probably spend an hour a week making to do lists at work, compulsive list making is the least of my OCD problems. You see, I am a worrier. I worry about EVERYTHING. I worry me or someone I care about will get some horrible disease. Then when one of my worries actually happens (I get laid off etc.) I get the crazy notion that my anxiety was actually intuition so I am justified in my worrying. Never mind that most of my worries never come true. This one thing happening vindicates all my worrying.
My OCD can either be a positive in my career or a negative. Which brings me back to the beginning of this post: for the past few weeks I’ve reflected on my career which has caused me to feel down about myself. For some reason I feel my career should be going better than it is. I feel I should be at a more prestigious company or at least have a more prestigious job. When people ask what I do no one says “wow that is cool”. A big part of me felt I am not successful and then I worry I’ll never be as successful as I think I should be. This is probably true, because I am not willing to completely give up my family life for work, yet something in me says unless I am a CEO someday I have failed. I need to be easier on myself but the real problem is I haven’t defined what success is.
And so, I’ve decided to turn this around and use my OCD as a positive driving force in my career. It’s a kind of early New Year’s Resolution and here are the details. I will try not to worry about what has happened in the past in my career. Instead, I will focus on the future and being successful. To do this I must first define career success. What is career success? I think it is different for everyone, but career success for me means having a job that allows me to use the knowledge I’ve gained from past experiences, but also allows me to find new challenges. It will provide me with mental stimulation and the ability to be creative while allowing me to write more often. It will provide opportunities to manage other people, even if they are only interns because I believe in mentoring. It will also provide mentors. Career success will also mean I have the respect of my peers and my superiors as I like being heard and listened to.
Now that I know what I want I can and will create a plan (a list of steps) to get there. This plan will make ME responsible. I will take charge of the success. I do not need to necessarily find a specific job that will give me all these things. Instead I will work to ensure the any job I have provides these benefits. And lastly, but most importantly, I will stop letting my career dictate my over all happiness. Because when I use my OCD for good and take charge of my life I will be happy no matter what.
December 22nd, 2009 at 3:32 PM
I understand your concerns about where your career is and who you work for etc… but, I believe most of us are in the same boat, because we’ve seen little growth during the past year, partially because of the economy situation. But I believe that just worrying about it makes you a better professional. Lack of drive is of the key factors that make someone a “loser”.
And for the OCD part, don’t worry I have some of that too, and I bet most smart people do too. The average man calls it a mental condition; I call it thinking.
December 22nd, 2009 at 4:54 PM
On Worrying: I agree you should worry about the future. The past is just for reference purposes. We all remember so many situations where we took the wrong turn or made the wrong decisions. I have a very long list. I do not feel proud of that list. But since I can’t do anything about it, I try not to loose sleep over the list.
On OCD: I do not believe in OCD, nor ADD, nor any other three letter acronyms. The only psychological conditions that require paying attention or even ‘naming’ are those that require sending someone to some medical institution. All others are just personality traits. What make us different. Minor nuances that we can use to our advantage (or disadvantage). It seems you have found areas to use your “OCD” to your advantage.
On Keeping Lists: I too used to spend time organizing my lists again and again. Bad habit. Over-planning and over-organizing is self destructive behavior, and it may lead to involuntary procrastination (but just as bad as the voluntary one). I switched to a list-less approach, so that I didn’t lost too much time with lists. Switched to 3×5 Index cards or post-its. List my tasks on them (maximum of 5 closely related tasks that make a quickly done sub-project). Multiple cards compose a project. Every time I do the tasks in one card, I throw it away (recycle bin). I keep them in some kind of organized state – but they are lists that do not need to be re-done. And I follow the rule that if I look at a card, and I can’t do the task at hand, I have to immediately decide when it will be handled – and leave that card alone until such time. A drastically modified Getting Things Done approach (from David Allen).