A serious relationship and your career – can a young professional have both?
Since my engagement I’ve been subjected to countless comments about marrying to young, the divorce rate when you marry before 30, and asked “why would you want to be married so young?” Let me just say that I have never regretted getting married when I did, but that isn’t what this post is about. This post is about having a career and a marriage, or any serious relationship when you are young.
Much like marriage, the first few years of your professional career can be exciting and stressful at the same time. You’ve probably completed a few internships and are ready for some more serious responsibilities, yet you are asked to proof read other’s work or do other tasks you feel you have outgrown. Well as much as I wanted to think I could run my own department right out of college I have to admit that nothing trumps experience. You can be smart, hard working and ambitious, and all these things will help your career but until you’ve worked in the professional world for a few years you still have to prove yourself. And that is where the conflict between your professional life and your personal relationship comes in.
In the past young employees were expected to be the ones who stayed late to finish projects or to travel because they didn’t have families at home that depend on them (let’s leave the mommy tracking topic for my next post). But what if you do have a family – just because you don’t have kids does not mean you don’t have a family. And what if, you are (gasp) one of those people who actually enjoys spending time with your significant other? This is where the proverbial work-life balance dance that so many of our older colleagues talk about becomes important. You have to figure out what your own balance is and what works for your family and a lot of that depends on how far you want to go in your career. Now that isn’t a judgment at all, not everyone wants to be a VP or a CEO and there is nothing wrong with that (I tell myself more than anyone). When I first graduated college my goal was to someday be a CEO. I didn’t care what the company was, but my personality dictates that I be the best at everything I do. I don’t like the idea of not working to be at the top. This is one of the reasons I got such good grades in college, it is also the reason I give myself anxiety stomachaches.
Anyway, as I gained more experience and saw more of the corporate world I realized I didn’t want to be a CEO. My family is important to me and I noticed that CEOs have to work – A LOT. That isn’t what I want. I want a successful fulfilling career, and I think I can have that by getting to a level that has a good amount of responsibility but without being the boss of an entire company.
The other thing you need when trying to balance career advancement and a happy relationship is an understanding spouse. It is going to be difficult to discuss having to work late several nights in a row to a husband who doesn’t value your career. A big part of having a supportive spouse is also having a spouse who not only cares about you but has his or her own interests. That way while you are working late he or she can be doing something they enjoy. This will also create a more rewarding relationship because you will have things to talk about other than work! (I think you should have your own hobby as well, it is important that your life isn’t all about work and your relationship).
At the beginning of this post I said that I never regretted getting married when I did, and I meant it. So you have to ask yourself if being married young makes it difficult to grow your career than how is it possible that I never even for a second regretted it. Well the truth is there are advantages to being a young married professional – the largest of which is being able to relate and have something in common with your older co-workers. Traditionally this benefit only existed for men who could complain about the old ball and chain with the other guys at work. Also, employers view married men as valuable because they have families to support, while married women are probably going to just have a baby and they have to get home to make dinner anyway. Well I’ve noticed this isn’t as true as it once was. Most of my bosses have been married women, and there is something about being married that makes people assume you are either a)older than you are or b) mature for your age. I’ll take either of those assumptions in the workplace any day.
How about you? Does anyone have any thoughts on why it is difficult or helpful to your career to be in a serious relationship?
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:43 AM
I think married employees are very advantageous. Especially if they are full of responsibilities. Nothing better than a hefty mortgage, a spouse nagging about when the next promotion will be, and a handful of kids requiring food, medical care and educational savings. It makes people work harder, for they are afraid of being fired. They also want more salary to meet their obligations. Besides, there is that old adage: If you want something done, ask a busy person. I firmly believe on it.
Young, unattached people are good for companies as well. They bring energy and new ideas. In other words, from the employer perspective you need both. And you can’t generalize about which ones are willing or capable of staying late or traveling.
As for work life balance, I subscribe to Jack Welch’s perspective: There’s no such thing as work-life balance, There are work-life choices, and you make them, and they have consequences.
September 24th, 2009 at 4:50 PM
Relationships and careers can work if your partner fully understands the importance and restraints of the career from the start.